March 28th, 2013
|04:41 pm - people are stupid.|
A small example of how idiotic we are: A girlfriend and I used to watch movies in her living room. She had a couch which was uncomfortable for two people to lay on and cuddle under, so we naturally just put blankets on the carpet and cuddled up. We then propped pillows up against the couch to increase our comfort level. The couch however, had this space under it that would slowly eat the pillows due to gravity, and make us uncomfortable. We would re-prop the pillows every 20mins or so, and it was annoying and uncomfortable as we would rather be in the state of uncomfortableness until it got unbearable, then take the time to sit up and rearrange the pillows and get everything balanced again.
After a year and a half of doing this, I suddenly stood up in the middle of a movie and shouted "We're idiots!!!". I pulled the couch 3 feet in one direction, and reassembled the pillows against the wall behind the couch. Success!!
My recent trip to new york had me feeling like that entire city has TONS of these uncomfortable pillow scenarios. The city planning didn't include alleys, and mostly they just put their trash onto the sidewalk. So the place looks like trash in most areas. This is just one issue I'm criticizing here, because I thought of a wonderful solution that really should be implemented... and would be even better than my beach house here in san diego where I have a trash bin in my alley next to my garage.
The solution is simple - put the trash in underground receptacles attached to the subway system. You would walk down the street with your trash, lift up the sidewalk where the 'underground trash' icon is displayed, and dump your trash in. Between 3am and 5am when most of the subways aren't running, a trash subway would run which would go through and pickup all this trash, taking the newly developed line that goes straight to the dump.
This would be better for the environment than having garbage trucks pick them up, cheaper on the human labor required to run the system, and better looking/healthier for the streets of new york. The receptacles themselves would be replaced once a month and cleaned.
Why hasn't new york solved the simplest problem that even the small intelligence encoded in ANTS have solved?! You don't put waste next to your living quarters!
March 24th, 2013
|11:31 am - meaning|
I remember in college when my life felt so meaningful I had to write in this thing every single day to share just how much I had learned. I think it's a phase, like when kids suddenly start asking "What's this" about EVERYTHING. This turns into "this is" when we learn to attach meaning to things, and everything around them becomes something worth talking about. Then you hit a phase where things have meaning but you just don't give a fuck about sharing with other people. You're alone in the world, maybe you go through a few heartbreaks and one finally crushes your desire to share your feelings with anyone, even your family. You still have feelings, but not quite, because if nobody hears a tree fall, does it really fall?
We had a family dinner this week where my brother shared that his friend had committed suicide which prompted both my mom and I to share feelings which normally wouldn't have been shared, or even considered. The timing was kind of unique for me as well, because I had seen the equivalent of a ghost earlier in the day. Probably the first girl I felt love for had killed herself when I was in 9th grade. Similarly right after her birthday, just like my brother's friend. And we both felt the guilt and wonder about what we could have done differently, not very strongly but more as a curiosity. I brought up the thought that some people leave our lives but are still living, and what is the difference between that and death, in the sense that people are just going somewhere else... and won't be in touch. A girl I loved in college more than any other that I wanted kids and to share my life with didn't want these things, which had me really depressed and I felt kind of stuck because I loved someone so much but... it would be like a kid who in his past life was a pro surfer standing in the shallow end of the ocean, looking at the massive waves and being excited to grow up and go out and surf them, but his friend is telling him that they are not going to ever have a surfboard, they are never going to leave the shallow end, because surfers die to waves, there are sharks out there, and its not worth the risks, and we really have enough to do with the sand and the white wash, lets build sand castles for the rest of our lives!!
So we split up and ceased communicating partly because she felt I was always trying to get back together with her, (not really true, I just didn't really stop loving her - how does one stop loving someone!?) and partly because she was in a new relationship and wanted to let go of the hand of the kid standing in the ocean to go make sandcastles with some other kid. I'm in touch with all of my ex girlfriends except these two. The place in my heart that grows love with another doesn't really stop. I have insanely good memory, and can remember micro expressions, I can remember moles and markings on their backs, I can remember wrestling with each and every one of them and how unique their strengths felt, and the differences of their playful natures. Two of them have kids now, one is kind of like me climbing her professional ladder. The feeling I have compared to the girl that killed herself and the girl that ceased communication is somewhat similar. It's like this longing for them to continue their lives, a book that I've only read the first few chapters of which I will never get to finish reading. In one case the rest of the book is blank, but in the other the rest is being written - but the fact that I'm not able to read it makes it somewhat equivalent. And it hurts the same.
I'm just about to leave to go pirate sailing on mission bay; we have 35 people and 7 boats today. We bring water cannons and beer, fire upon other ships, raid other boats' beer and women, and bring them back to our boats and have a good piratin' time. Lots of photos of this fun on facebook, but I'm thinking I really _should_ care about sharing the meaningful or non meaningful things in my life here at livejournal again.
January 5th, 2013
|01:43 pm - NEW YORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!|
So, interviewing for companies I decided working for okcupid would be a lot of fun, and a good place for me at this point in my career. I have some pretty good ideas for social dating and I saw their team and was really impressed - they build a lot of their own stuff and seem like they have some really smart cookies. I applied, the interview process was really smooth and they offered to fly me out to meet in their offices. Decided spending new years in NYC would be a blast, I'd get to see Betsy, and staying with Jason is always awesome. He runs the nyc lakers fans meetup. Speaking of meetup.com they are also in nyc, so I took some time to checkout their office while I was here.
When I got on the plane, I saw my friend Victor Morange I hadn't seen since high school sitting in first class. Crazy small world.
Slept the entire flight, woke up when we were landing. While waiting in line for a cab, I met Sonya who also grew up in San Diego and we decided to share a cab since she was going to Brooklyn and I was going to brooklyn heights. turns out she lived nextdoor to where I lived on sabado tarde while I was at UCSB. What are the chances?!
Met up with Besty the next day in midtown at a bar she used to work at called Pop Pub. Nice place, some fun friends from canada also visiting.
New years eve was a house party with Jason's friends. I had thought I was going to spend it with Betsy, but she was dodging me for whatever reason. We went to a bar in the financial district that wasn't too crowded, just a nice little party with hats, glasses, noise makers. Techno House at the start then 80s dancing later in the night. The dj was terrible, mixing songs that simply did not go together at all, was pretty funny.
Sonya and I got back together to go ice skating in central park on new years day, then eating at ed's chowderhouse. Since ice skating took cash only and my card was declined at ed's due to suspected theft, Sonya was my sugar mama for the night.
I met up with a friend I've known on facebook for a number of years - Annie. We originally met at her senior year in high school at Weston in Boston, MA when I visited MIT with Henry and attended their prom. Back then she was "Spikey Annie" with a huge mo-hawk and probably the only goth at her school. Now she's still hardcore, plays bass, but wears a lot of color and has a very girly sense about her despite her strength and cold steel feel. We went to a show at the Mercury Lounge to see the NY Funk Exchange, which absolutely rocked. There weren't that many people out probably because it was so close to new years. I felt like new yorkers were assholes because a lot of people left during the last song of the set. Like seriously, just wait a few minutes, show some respect.
I checked out Chelsea, the area where okcupid has offices. I went to an adult gymnastics class at chelsea pier, which had one of the best gyms I've ever been in. The class was huge, with over 30 people. I learned how out of shape I've gotten, but at least I could still do standing back tucks, and front fulls. Unfortunately the class didn't let use use the apparatus. I'm still really sore today, but played some basketball at the y this morning with Jason when we woke up. Tonight I want to go checkout "Sleep no more" a theater art installation creation that I hear is amazing. Betsy is still dodging me, really not sure whats going on with her. I'd like to go with someone, maybe will look for a date on okcupid. Rizwan is in town and we'll be going 80s clubbing later tonight.
Right now I'm relaxing, going to do some laundry and work on Moola, the facebook app I'm almost ready to release until later. Tomorrow I check into Ace Hotel, Monday is my interview with okcupid. I fly out wednesday, so not a lot of time left. Not sure what all else I want to do while I'm here.
November 27th, 2012
|11:22 am - Misunderstandings |
Effort. Sacrifice. Love. Hard Work. Excitement. Future building.
Destruction. Abandonment. Retreat.
August 24th, 2012
|12:19 pm - hark a new tale begins|
For the past few years, this poem sums up how I've felt.
He is stark mad, whoever says,
That he hath been in love an hour,
Yet not that love so soon decays,
But that it can ten in less space devour ;
Who will believe me, if I swear
That I have had the plague a year?
Who would not laugh at me, if I should say
I saw a flash of powder burn a day?
Ah, what a trifle is a heart,
If once into love's hands it come !
All other griefs allow a part
To other griefs, and ask themselves but some ;
They come to us, but us love draws ;
He swallows us and never chaws ;
By him, as by chain'd shot, whole ranks do die ;
He is the tyrant pike, our hearts the fry.
If 'twere not so, what did become
Of my heart when I first saw thee?
I brought a heart into the room,
But from the room I carried none with me.
If it had gone to thee, I know
Mine would have taught thine heart to show
More pity unto me ; but Love, alas !
At one first blow did shiver it as glass.
Yet nothing can to nothing fall,
Nor any place be empty quite ;
Therefore I think my breast hath all
Those pieces still, though they be not unite ;
And now, as broken glasses show
A hundred lesser faces, so
My rags of heart can like, wish, and adore,
But after one such love, can love no more.
However, I have a lunch date in an hour. A shard of glass inside me reflects a color of light I have not yet seen. How alluring!
February 1st, 2012
|11:07 pm - giving interviews|
So life is pretty good right now. I've been working for a new startup here in San Diego with HUGE potential, and I'm enjoying my coworkers. I'm fired up making this thing succeed in a big way - and knowing I have the power to do so.
I've been interviewing people recently and wanted to journal about that experience. We have logical mind puzzles we give (when I joined they gave me a few but none took me more than a minute)... one of them was first given to me by Jay and I think its my favorite to give to people because it takes the smartest people I know more than a minute to figure out, and most people can't get it at all. The ones that do usually are hinted along the way and you get a great feel for how they take advice, what working with them will be like, if they get frustrated easily, etc.
I'm looking for other solvable (non open ended) problems like this.
My problem with this one is that it highly favors anyone who has done information theory work. (which I would consider a pre-req for any DB admins so it works for them, but what about UI/UX or designers?).
I would like a similar test for a designer that doesn't require even mathematical or critical thinking skills. The problem is all of those are open ended usually. I gave one girl a laptop and asked her to redesign a certain area of the site with a few leading questions and suggestions (even a purposely lame suggestion to see if she just does what people tell her or comes up with what she thinks is best). Then let her open photoshop/illustrator/whatever and mock up her changes to that area of the site. Then we discussed it afterwards. I wasn't impressed with what she made; granted she had only 15minutes or so. It was a decent interview scenario that I'll have to give to more people to see how they do, because I'm not sure if she failed or passed.
I would like to work with this person even though I wasn't impressed with their work. Annoying mismatch. San Diego just doesn't have enough people that I can give these things to 5 different people a day and learn quickly enough to know if they are the right fit for a small team.
Does anyone have a non open ended yet non quickly solvable riddle or task for a right brain type person? ;0
April 19th, 2011
|06:12 am - Dollhouse|
A great series everyone should watch, I don't know how it went under my radar. In college I wrote some cyberpunk about a similar powerful corporation that ended up running its massive computer system on human brains. It was more about shared memories and defining if humanity had anything unique to offer, or if everyone's feeling of self-identity was just a persistent dream fueled by incomplete perception. The conclusion I reached, and why I stopped writing, is that even cyborgs will be in a similar 'dollhouse' predicament, constantly changing their definition of self, and not having any real reason to live. It was depressing.
Every state of consciousness involves perception to generate, and every state of perception is flawed. Nobody can see everything, or be aware of what everyone is thinking, planning, dreaming; even when connected in a group think like star trek borg system... at that point the bandwidth slows down the thought, so even if every human in the universe was assimilated, the borg still wouldn't be fully self-conscious. And still while each unit is perceptive of each other's perceptions, they will never truly be aware. Eliza Dushku's "Echo" had to shift her states of consciousness from one identity to the next, which was the power she held... if she was just the sum of her parts, there would be only ever one thread and the strengths and weaknesses would blur together and average out into a dulled self-model (think borg), taking away from the strength that comes from a single identity each with a unique sharpened edge able to focus on a particular task and be less perceptive of the rest. The comment on self-models is interesting. When actors get into a role and find it hard to get out, or when a young adult is suicidal and wakes up every morning feeling terribly empty... why are we unable to easily switch our model of self? Or grow new ones quicker than we do?
Are actors who perfect this talent skilled in some way, a kind of meta human? After watching this series, I would argue so. Although, is it any coincidence that Heath Leger killed himself while becoming the Joker? Got into role a little too much... perhaps even taking many of those drugs in order to find the self identity the Joker would have?
The conclusion I come to, is that everyone is in the dollhouse. Acting, having to come to terms with the fact that they will never be able to perceive accurately. Alcohol makes people 'happy' in the sense that it stops (or at least slows) their self model, and their thread of consciousness returns to a more base level at some point in the BAC spectrum, not unlike the 'dolls' in the show. Happiness and relaxation with the sentiment "I try to be my best"... I loved that - we really are programmed with an idea that we can be 'better', that we're broken, and will have to always strive to become more than what we are.
Often relationships start at a subconscious level because people want to 'become more'.
How many divorces happen simply because people become connected and are unable to find any way in which they can 'become more' together, so they simply get bored and feel like they have to look elsewhere to 'be their best'?
And how many relationships (at least sexual) start after alcohol? Men all over the planet, creating dolls by having them drink, then imprinting them.
These (somewhat negative) thoughts aside, I wish there was a Topher episode, entirely centered on his character. My favorite episodes were the ones where his identity was implanted into Victor. He would have built a lot more interesting gadgets and toys, and he never got to play with these.
A dream recorder - it would have been great to see the dolls', void of memory, dreaming up reality before they ever knew it. The concept of The Attic, a shared dream... why did Topher not see that coming? Or take place in its creation? He definitely should have had at least some tech related to it. Also, he should have cloned himself in all the houses and developed the group awareness module, (the borg chip) or at least tweaked it after getting it from Echo. This was a MAJOR hole in the series, one I consider unforgivable. Joss Whedon, I am going to meet you someday, and slap you for thinking you could maintain the curtain over the geek population without them realizing Topher would have tried to hack into the Attic.
Also, in the last episode where they had him building at gunpoint, they would have had 50 of him working together. 1 is just not nearly as efficient, especially with bodies being so cheap. I was very confused that he would be malnourished with a boss that pigged out on a feast amidst a population resorting to cannibalism because finding food was difficult. Wouldn't you feed the guy making your tech? ;0
IMDB is so weird. I end up wanting to stalk the writers of the show. Its awesome that Maurissa Tancharoen and Jed Whedon helped write it and are engaged. I love it when writers give themselves minor roles in the film in some way. But Hollywood seems so odd to me. Even the biggest stars are somewhat at the whim of what work is going on that year and have to accept small parts in it, only really touching the art piece in small ways. Was Dushku fully conscious of the levels of meta going on in her character, or just saying her lines? God she's gorgeous. I can't imagine she's all there though, choosing a boyfriend (Rick Fox from Celtics/Lakers) who previously dated Tyra Banks, then wed Tyra's friend Vanessa, and divorced (after having a kid, the ultimate crime). I suppose you can't judge a person on their past though, since we're always becoming something different, right? Learn through mistakes?
Then I wonder how up to date IMDB is on its star-stalking and if it matters if I know these sort of things anyway. Why do I care? Why am I judgmental?
Dushku's tattoo is somewhat related, I looked it up (I'm considering getting one, always curious why others have gotten theirs and what they mean to them).
Her tattoo is "Lead Kindly Light" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lead,_Kindly_Light which somehow comes from Psalm 119:105 "Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path." -- very awesome for an actress to have. Her path is definitely written, and I was bummed to find out she once said someone would sooner see God than see her naked, yet she did film topless. And why haven't you shut down such sites as http://www.elizadushkunaked.net/ yet? Obviously fake and tarnishing your image. If I was you I'd be google stalking myself every day, just to pick the weeds from my garden. I'm so glad I've never had to date anyone famous, I'd go crazy trying to protect them.
Jamie Lee Curtis: "It is nobody's business, and it's interesting because obviously in today's marketplace people don't abide by that. There are no boundaries that people won't cross...We're in a bit of a "Wild West" thing with media, and, I think, it's just kind of like no holds barred - the Internet. You know, there are no criteria on the Internet..."
I REALLY like the 'Wild West' Internet analogy. It is a gold rush still...
April 3rd, 2011
|09:30 am - denver and dreams|
I wish I could record my dreams. I had several last night, and perhaps because I recently read the script for eat pray love in an attempt to understand why I found the movie so boring, my dreams were about relationships.
the first dream I don't remember in too much detail. It involved a relationship I had and a girl that wasn't ready to commit, who dated an older guy. I made her jealous by dating an older girl.
I wake up. the next dream was more memorable.
I picked her up, and held her legs so she was sitting on my waist facing me. I twirled her around. "So then you'll distract me with kisses and feed me tangerines?"
Then I glanced at her. She had seen us and overheard our sweet flirtings. She looked very hurt, on the edge of tears. "I'm so sorry, but you played me too much." I tried to justify this new relationship to her.
Her sadness turned to anger, and she approached, brandishing her weapon. A cell phone with a picture of me looking at another woman. "Look at this creep!" she shows the girl.
I wake up.
Jealousy is so dumb. the girl I like from denver was in the dream, but the one I saw eat pray love with wasn't. Weird.
In the script there is this part where tutti wants more money than Liz raised, and Liz says "you don't fuck with people you love", then looks over at her 'lover' and realizes that they're both kind of fucking with eachother's lives, ruining them, changing them, etc... and that indeed we do fuck with people we love.
Some tourists continue to think the Balinese are sweet even as they are getting ripped off. Others begin to hate the Balinese for ripping them off. I think it is the same with love. He says "and then it's a shame, because you've lost all these wonderful friends".
The most unbalanced I've ever been in my life was my freshman year of college. I couldn't sleep, I was depressed. I loved Liz with all my heart and she was sleeping with another man. I didn't want to hate her and lose a friend, but it was very hard on me to keep a friend that my heart was so attached to; every time I saw her it was ripped and torn apart in a new way. I was foolish to allow myself to love so deeply. "Sometimes to lose balance for love is part of living a balanced life." - I never took anti depressants or any of that, because deep down I knew this truth. It is what Ketut, the Bali guru teaches Liz.
I have taken the last few years of my life off from really being in a close relationship. I've had a few brief regular girls I dated, but nothing serious. I have really found myself, and happiness. And the sweetness of loneliness. The sadness that fills you in being unable to share yourself with anyone, having nobody that understands you, or even tries to... which turns into a kind of clear understanding of yourself after you get over it.
Before I went to bed, I was txting with my lover across the world, who I never got romantic with except in emails. I think I may move to australia for the next year or two while working on this company. She randomly txted me out of the blue because she was watching city of angels and the main character's name is Seth. Pretty wild as an hour earlier I was telling friends I missed Sydney and wanted to go back.
I've never been afraid to lose my balance; recently quitting my job, throwing my security away and embarking on a voyage to create a company... a much longer voyage than sailing the 8000 miles to sydney, yet I don't hesitate to set sail. Somehow I'm confident and see myself and my part in the future clearly. Its a nice feeling. The only part I can't see clearly is a girl in my future. I know I want kids and I'm jealous when my friend tells me he's going to start having them with his wife next year. I don't even have a girlfriend, let alone a wife.
They all seem so crazy though. Especially in my dreams. I fear the unbalance.
October 16th, 2010
|06:07 pm - thoughts|
first reaction - that comic was pretty good. Then I thought about it a bunch.
The public does not ask the armed forces to "defend their rights", if killing people and losing our own overseas can be called that. I think the comic would be in much better taste if it was a veteran from a specific event on our own soil like pearl harbor.
Even then, hawaii wasn't a state at the time, and the only reason it could be considered 'our soil' is because we kept our weapons on it. 9/11 was definitely 'an attack' although terrorism is an interesting enemy, especially with all the conspiracy theories - firemen criticizing the lack of investigation done on explosives and what not. It is difficult for a child to understand the 'war on terror'.
There are many children that don't understand the concept of serving for the country and those are likely the same ones that don't understand the pledge. So this comic doesn't target them, although the ones that already do understand the issue get a laugh out of it at the others' expense.
In that sense I feel it is in bad taste, and not something that will help the issue, and may even hurt it.
The only real way to get people to stand for the pledge is to make them proud to be American. This is not done by making them feel guilty for injuries of people doing things they didn't condone. I'm proud to be american, but this kind of attitude is part of the reason why I'm not as proud as I could be.
It would be more apt to show perhaps a famous Jew that was crippled during a concentration camp that made it to the us, using a similar analogy, only talking about how his rights were taken away at a young age instead of given to him like in the US.
I messaged someone that posted it, and he said it wasn't meant to help the issue, just condemn those who aren't standing.
We cannot condemn children. They hardly know why they are or aren't standing. And all the comic does is have an negative attitude towards them instead of a nurturing educational one.
It's like slapping your kid for burning his hand on the oven...
August 19th, 2010
|02:20 am - youtube auto posting|
I posted a youtube comment that came out really awkward because it was automatically posted to facebook and cut off and made me sound REALLY racist.
It was about dr laura saying the n word a bunch of times and basically being forced to apologize and thus quit her job.
Dr L is always such a complete bitch and she was being in her usual form on that call, but her specific use of the word was in saying that other people say it. Although, she did pronounce it like an ignorant white racist instead of like the awesome black comedian chris rock, who has earned his media n card =) People definitely need to earn the right to use certain words without fear of causing pain. I personally don't think people should allow words to hurt them, but unfortunately, they do and its really difficult to change that, especially for this word.
I liked one of the video responders who claimed she calls people ninjas instead.
What up ninjas?